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Memories of an ashtangi and her pregnancy – Heimstone icon-account icon-glass

Memories of an ashtangi and her pregnancy


I am 34 years old now, and I am pregnant with my second child. I do yoga almost every day and that's why I started writing this text, under the guidance of Cyril Lagel (my teacher). I'm talking about pregnancy, yoga, but ultimately more than that.

Need nothing else but yoga!

My first daughter Ellis was born in August 2014, after a very easy pregnancy and childbirth.

At that time I was living in New York, I had a super active life with at least an hour of work out per day!
For this first pregnancy, I worked out daily until 6 months of pregnancy, I ran, I did boxing, then I had to stop, because I must admit that they are not really compatible sports when you have a big belly ...
So I spent the last three months of my pregnancy without doing any sports, I was still riding my bike in the city and I walked a lot, so it did not bother me more than that.
However, I had pain in the lower back, ants in the legs at night (i’ve been told it is quite common during pregnancy).
When I got home at night, I felt the need to stretch, and it’s at that period that I realized the magnitude of the disaster!

Indeed, my body was incredibly stiff, my mind wanted to stretch my back, but my body was not able to do it!
That day, I promised myself that after my delivery I would start what I called at the time "stretching".

I did not start doing yoga every day at once ... it took me over a year to get started, yet in NYC, yoga is very developed.

At the time, I had no knowledge of different practices. I just said, "I have to start yoga... My goal is only to relax and possibly one day, put my hands on the ground!"

Back to Paris and discovery of Ashtanga

Two or three months after starting yoga, we returned to live in Paris, and my real "yogi" experience started at the Tigre Rive Gauche.

I'm pretty determined when I start something, so I quickly started to take my practice seriously by going three or four times a week.

At first, yoga was just pain for me.
My body was so stiff that every posture gave me electric shocks in all the nerves of my body, it was almost unbearable.

I spent the first three months experimenting with different classes. I knew that I needed a physical practice more than spiritual and soft. So I practiced Vinyasa, Jivamukti... Obviously, I had no technique, no notions of alignment, few notions of breathing (we breathe in a little particular way in yoga), until that I discover Ashtanga.

So, my vision has completely changed! First of all, Ashtanga had exactly what I was looking for : muscular effort and stretching, flexibility, and breathing.

During 10 months before getting pregnant again, I practiced 3 times of Ashtanga / week + 2 classes of Vinyasa / week.

It really became my long-awaited moment of the day, my decompression chamber, my parallel life. I was going home at night and my husband was asking me how my yoga class had gone, and I was answering him : "It gives me small bubbles of oxygen in my head. After a practice of 1h30, I see things differently, with more lightness and simplicity."

I felt exactly the same back in the days with jogging.

When I became pregnant, I was obviously ecstatic. I love everything that goes with pregnancy : the transformation of the body, how your mind adapts to these changes, how our thinking changes over the months, I love to have a big belly, feel the baby move etc.

And especially this time, I'm "Great! I will be able to practice without interruption until my delivery!"

First trimester

The day after my pregnancy test, I had a class of Ashtanga with my teacher Cyril Lagel. I tell him right away that I am pregnant.

His first sentence was "Bravo!" And the second one was "You can not practice Ashtanga during the first trimester".

Tough.

I thought it was a joke, then I thought "No, but he must have been wrong, he misunderstood what I told him".

Well no, he was right about everything: THREE months without any practice.

I was helpless, my parallel life was going to be put in parentheses for three months. I was afraid of losing everything I had gained in a year of hard work.

My days at the office were infinite.

I must confess that the only thing that gave me the ideas clear was that I did it for the sake of this little baby who was so the size of a peanut at that time...

Quickly, Cyril saw the desolation seize me, so he advised me to start practicing the first series in my head at home at night. Then he recommended me to read Yoga Mala (I did not understand much... Cyril told me that it was normal and that I would need to read it several times and that at each new reading I would understand new things), as well as Yoga Sadhana for Mothers: Shared Experiences of Ashtanga Yoga, Pregnancy, Birth & Motherhood on the practice of Ashtanga and pregnant women.

Let's say that these experiences made me wait, but let's be honest I was only waiting for the second trimester.

On the diet side, I have always had a very healthy diet. I only eat fresh products. I’ve been raised with steamed vegetables so I did not have to change anything... On the other hand, I love sugar, especially chocolate that I can eat in large quantities.

Huge luck, from the beginning of my pregnancy, I had a kind of disgust of the sweet and so I completely stopped eating some.

Second quarter, finally!

3 months and 1 week of pregnancy

Maximum excitement on July 18, 2017! My ultrasound of the first trimester is impeccable then go to Tigre Rive Gauche with Cyril for 1h30 of private lesson to understand how I have to adapt my practice with my pregnancy.

I’m so happy, I even have the right to return to class on the next day!

At this stage of my pregnancy, I am going through a period of extreme fatigue that has seized me for almost two months now.

My belly starts to bend very slightly and I experience some discomfort because of the elastic of my leggings.

Apart from that, I feel I’m full of energy, super attentive, I can much better "let go" my mind.

I also try, although my belly is barely visible to become aware of my new practice with a baby in the stomach.

I also understand that I will have to listen to him a lot more than me, and that he will have to "give me the right" to practice ...

I do everything so gently.

3 months and 3 weeks of pregnancy

The fatigue shots are now completely behind me, and I'm comfortable with my adapted practice, which is ultimately very simple : no jumps back, jumps through, no twists.

I go on holidays in the mountains and then to the sea, and I feel full of energy, I jog every morning followed by an "arranged" practice of vinyasa or ashtanga, I can still fully use my abs, so I take advantage.

Cyril tells me about a yoga "retreat" in Syracuse mid-October, I ask him if I have the "right" to come, he told me that if I continue to feel good there is no problem. I'm jubilant ! And on the same evening, I book my tickets for the Yoga Festival in Syracuse for five days.

I find the idea of ​​this experience extraordinary and it makes me want to persevere even more in my practice.

4 months and a week

I took 1.8 kg since the beginning of pregnancy.

I really feel that my stomach is starting to take more space, I feel what is called "butterflies" in the lower abdomen.

It's August 22, I'm waiting for the reopening of the Tigre.

I feel in great shape and feel that I want to work on particular postures, such as inversions and hip openings, I have the feeling of having total control over my body, and that the baby reacts for the moment very well to my sustained practice.

I can not say that I really feel the baby move except after the finishings, when I lie down in savasana, the baby goes in small ball at the bottom of my belly! These are our first yogi-mom contacts.

4 months and 3 weeks

I took 2.2 kg since the beginning of pregnancy.

It has been two weeks since I intensively got back to Ashtanga. I feel very comfortable, and I begin to see that I have to make additional adjustments in my practice.

For example, I have to slightly spread my feet in uttanassna, padangushtasana. I have a crazy passion for urdhvamukha, warriors, uttitha trikonasana and prasarita. I guess it's because of hip openings.

And I'm also starting to develop a certain passion for back bend. I feel that it stretches my stomach and that I leave room for the baby.

At this point, my vision begins to slightly change, I am less searching for progress, but rather that looking for discovery and research of what "we" do good. I let myself be completely guided by my instinct and the advice of Cyril.

5 months

I have a lot of work, but I feel that I need my daily practice, I feel that it calms me, that it helps me to feel good in this body in full mutation (not negligible when one is pregnant!), and especially that my baby and I are completely on the same wavelength.

So, I extend my schedule even more, every minute of my day is used to get my hour and a half of daily Ashtanga.

My husband is also supporting me to continue my practice. He knows how good it makes me feel, and I see in his eyes that he is so proud that I am invested in my practice, for me, but also for our baby.

I also notice that I am much more comfortable in my morning practices because my body is lighter, my stomach is smaller and I have more energy.

My body sends me the same signals: during the lessons of 18:30, my belly brushes the ground several times during the chaturanga, and to stop a few centimeters higher it requires infinite efforts!

5 months and 2 weeks

I took 3.8 kg since the beginning of my pregnancy, I begin to feel them especially at the beginning of practice during greetings when the muscles are not warm.

Nevertheless, I always feel full of energy, I take each new obstacle (weight, chest etc) as a new experience and it helps me to go further.

I feel the baby moves a lot, but do not feel any particular discomfort for the moment.

Cyril continues to follow my pregnancy with great attention, helps me to adjust some postures and reminds me regularly that I have to listen to myself first and foremost.

It also allows me to be more smooth and let go the side "progress".

Third trimester

6 months

I took 4 kg since the beginning of my pregnancy.

As Cyril is also a very talented photographer, I have an appointment with him to take pictures of me during my practice, I am very excited to have such memories.

I feel that I enter a phase of my pregnancy that is magical and unique because ultimately my belly is well out now. I live fully this moment, I find that this moment when one is like in a bubble, it is a moment apart in the life of a woman.

I'm even more excited to know that in two weeks I'm going to Syracuse for five days.

6 months and a half (October 2017)

I took 4.4 kg since the beginning of my pregnancy.

I am at the Yoga Festival with my friend Dora, pregnant for five and a half months and who is a yoga teacher.

Magical experience, first thanks to the setting (we bathed in the sea on October 15!), but also because it's magic to share these moments with another pregnant woman who has an approach that is quite different from mine.

I practice during this stay between 2 and 4 different classes / day, with teachers coming from all over the world, it is both very rewarding, but also very destabilizing.

I am a little confused by the different energies of the teachers and I realize that I do not want to experiment, but rather to work a particular posture and thoroughly : which is VERY different from my philosophy at the beginning of pregnancy!

I feel that Vinyasa and Jivamukti do me good once or twice a week to break with the rigor and the repetitive side of Ashtanga, but Ashtanga is definitely the practice that suits me best, especially at this stage of my pregnancy, I do not want to scatter.

27 weeks of pregnancy

I'm leaving for a "last" trip just the three of us : with my husband and my daughter Ellis. Direction New York for two weeks, then Australia and finally Dubai. A five weeks trip in all, I am excited to discover new yoga studios and especially to rediscover yoga in NYC.

Indeed, I had made my first steps as a yogi there, a few years ago when I knew nothing about it. I had no idea at that time on the different kinds of yoga that exists and all its wealth. A year and a half later (and a few hundred hours of practice), I have a very different approach and look, I can not wait to feel all these changes. I try to find a class of Ashtanga near my home, but there are only mysores, so very early in the morning (a little complicated for me), suddenly, I decided to go back to the studio I loved so much when I was living in New York : Soho's Yoga Works. After a long flight Paris - New York, the only thing I dream of is to go to my class the next morning to stretch, sweat a little and especially breathe in rhythm with the energy of the city.

I had completely forgotten how hip yoga was in NYC: arriving in front of the studio, three "fit" great models in front of me, the guys are cut and all, obviously, they drink a green juice. Clearly, they do not imagine for a second that I'm going to do the same class as them!

On entering, I find that there is in this studio this kind of sympathy to the American where people are just happy, it makes me feel good. The yoga studios are beautiful in New York, it is these large lofts all white or brick, super well equipped with toiletries, super equipment, coffee, wifi, in short, we want to stay there the whole day...Americans have a real sense of well-being and service!

At the beginning of the course, the teacher comes to see me, clearly a little annoyed that I'm pregnant, he asks me if I practice, etc., so I tell him that yes, that I know how to adapt, that I pay attention etc. (my only fear is that he tells me that I can not practice his class...).

The class lasts 1h30, it's a Vinyasa flow, the teacher is great : the American power, there is music in the background, the sun rising on Manhattan... Ecstasy.

I feel like I’m flying on my mat, the other students have a great level and it pushes me to go further (smoothly).

I come out of my class at the top of my form, I nevertheless make the remark that there is a difference between yoga in Paris and New York. New York is in style, we fly on the mat you throw your legs, it's almost theatrical. It lacks a little rigor, but that's good ! It's freedom !

During my 15 days in New York, I practice every day between one hour and one hour and a half, I feel great, and I must say that I also enjoy breaking with the rigor of Ashtanga.

In New York, it a show and it's great.

Concerning my practice, I let myself go with the flow of the class and its energy, I really enjoy letting go and trying new things.

I feel great in my body and I feel that the baby lets me enjoy it.

In a nutshell, two weeks of pure happiness.

7 months of pregnancy (1st week of November 2017)

I took 5 kg.

We leave New York to spend 72 hours in Paris before flying to Australia.

These are three very busy days, but I still take the opportunity to make a second and last series of photos with Cyril, then left for a 24h flight.

We arrive in Sydney after 24 hours of flight, I have the lower back and legs in sauce...

It is true that after this long journey, I begin to have (especially at the end of the day) the weight of the baby who begins to weigh on my lower body. I feel tired (jet lag does not help), but also because my body is asking me some rest.

This is the first time I ask my husband to walk less quickly in the street or tell my daughter that I can not hold her in my arms.

With my lower back a little crushed, I feel the need to spend time upside down in sirsasana. I do it at least 5 to 6 times a day (outside of my practice), which is a lot of fun for my husband, but it's actually the only way for me to reverse the baby's weight.

I do not slow down my practice because even if I’m super tired, I feel that if I stop for a second, I am able to let go until the end of my pregnancy!

So I start on the first morning at Studio Dharma Shala in North Bondi Beach.

I had been there two years before when I started yoga.

Bondi Beach is really the capital of zen attitude, healthy food, yoga, pregnant women and babies, it's amazing.

Everyone does yoga and work out, it's even more striking than in LA.

It's just as trendy as New York in a way, but we feel there's a lot more about meditation and relaxation.

The teachers are used to practice with pregnant women, but I feel that we are all put in the same basket : regardless of its level and practice, I am asked to avoid balances, drop back etc., in short, as I said it's really the "new" postures I like since this long flight.

I insist a little by telling them that it's really what makes me feel good.

At each inversion, I feel the baby move at the same time with me, as if it was put in "position", then after a few seconds, it stabilizes.

A little forced by the teachers to have a very soft practice, I spend more time exploring postures that relieve my lower back pain, and in which I feel good.

My belly seems "huge" to me. I feel a lot more the baby, and I start to adjust a little more my postures, by spreading more my feet for example and taking more time to move from one posture to another.

I also suddenly feel the need to stretch my belly skin, the catturangas are not enough, I feel that I need to go further, I start slowly my passion for drop backs, which has not never been the case before, being very stiff from the back.

I do not encounter any discomfort or need to put me aside in savasana.

8 months (32 weeks, end of November 2017)

    Departure from Sydney to Dubai.

    After nearly three weeks in Sydney, I feel that my body has "healed" of travel pains. The healthy food for three weeks may have helped too... but it's already time to leave, and I must admit that I'm a little apprehensive of this flight.

    We take off at night, so I spend two hours at the yoga studio before departure.

    My body and the baby manage the trip quite well, but I feel that in Dubai I need some rest.

    I do a yoga break for 5 days.

    Back in Paris, I'm 32 weeks pregnant, it's really the deadline to travel!

    Glad to be back home, to be back to my practice at Le Tigre, and especially the Ashtanga class that I set aside for 5 weeks!

    Although Cyril flew to India and did not plan to be back in Paris until early February (so after my delivery), I go back with excitement to my Ashtanga practice.

    I start gently, already because I'm a little tired and I have not practiced for a few days, but also because I realize that my stomach has really grown!

    I realize that I have to adapt a lot more than before I left.

    During greetings for example, I have to really spread my feet to be able to bend over, but I must also make my greeting VERY gently because during the first 10 minutes of my practice, I feel the baby is seeking his place… or is he/she hiding to leave me space?

    So I go in my greetings with the rhythm that the baby gives me.

    I also feel that the baby is "harder", that is to say that I feel his skeleton in more detail, since I can feel his bones, his heel that hits me in the bladder, an elbow that taps me under the ribs.

    Sometimes even, I manage to catch his foot!

    In short, the change in a few days is incredible.

    For Uttanasana, I also have to spread my legs a lot, my head can hardly get down, so I'm trying to stretch my back on the board rather than lower my head to my knees.

    I hardly touch my feet in paschimottansana.

    On the other hand I really appreciate the trikonasana and Prasaraita.

    I feel very comfortable in all postures in which I have a hip opening and no obstacle in front of my belly.

    Apart from the first ten minutes of practice where the baby is trying to give me space, he does not move all the time of the practice, I also wonder if he sleeps, if he feels at home, comfortable or not?

    In savasana, my belly relaxes again and spreads out.

    In any case I feel at ease in my adaptations and I manage to follow the practice and to do in my way each postures.

    8 months and 3 weeks (35 weeks, mid-December 2017)

      I took 7 kg since the beginning of the pregnancy.

      I continue an assiduous practice 5 days out of 7, but I begin to be bored and especially to irritate during my practice of ashtanga, for 2 reasons:

      First of all, I begin to feel congested by my belly. I have to adjust the postures more and more, and sometimes, I have the impression to do a practice which is not really of the ashtanga, and by dint of adapting, I have the feeling to practice by myself, it's hard for me to stay motivated.

      The second reason is that Cyril not being there, I go from one substitute to another. Everyone asks me to adapt my practice differently from what we set up with Cyril, and I must admit that in the end of pregnancy, I do not want to experiment with these new adjustments.

      I'm in permanent conflict, I do not know if it's my body or my head that will let me go first!

      In any case, one month from the end, I feel ultra tonic (despite fatigue), and I feel more ready than ever for childbirth.

      I decided to give birth in a natural way and I am not afraid at all of childbirth without epidurals. I feel that I can move mountains and that my body can "surf" contractions without any problem.

      9 months (37 weeks)

        I took 8 kg since the beginning of the pregnancy.

        I really have to adjust all the postures, in all the positions on the ground I am embarrassed. I'm struggling to go forward, so I'm deployed, rather diagonally, my feet are moving away from me day after day during paschimottanasana, Uttanasana, in short I annoy myself.

        Despite that, I always enjoy playing catturanga. I feel that it maintains my tone, I love to stretch my belly, I love the inversions and above all, the drop backs, I finish all my practices like that, but again ... alone.

        After a few frustrating practices, I can identify that I may need a practice where I’m having more fun and more "fit".

        I decided to do more Vinyasa but especially I start it under the influence of my husband who begins yoga, so I do Hatha with him!

        I also decide to do classes that last only an hour (instead of an hour and a half), and reduce my practice to 4 times a week.

        I realize that my body wants to rest a little too, it just wants to stretch.

        Psychologically, my brain enters a little bit in a phase "I go there to do my yoga hour", that is to say that I go there to feel good, without great conviction or expectation, I put aside all postures that bother or annoy me and keep those that amuse me and do me good: especially sirsasana, all drop back, ustrasana, greetings, and baddha konasana.

        Yes, I must admit that my practices are beginning to be laborious.

        I do not suffer from any particular pain, I just feel tired (I sleep very little on the last month of pregnancy) and I want to enjoy the last weeks of pregnancy by making me happy.

        I also notice that I still walk as before my pregnancy, at a normal pace, without a cowboy look, and it makes me smile.

        I'm also starting to think more about childbirth. My friends ask me if I'm afraid, afraid of hurting, but I answer them with laughter that no, because in any way I like to have pain! And as Cyril says, I only have to send the breath where it hurts! Easy as pie.

        I feel really serene in my body and my head, in fact I can not even think that there could be any complications, that I have to have an emergency epidural or caesarean section.

        I feel that my body and my head are one, and that they will accompany me to the end!

        I start around 38-39 weeks as the work slowly starts to set up, I have the lower belly pulling, as if the baby's head started to slide into my pelvis, my belly is very hard and unlike at my first pregnancy the baby is still moving a lot, I do not feel it lacks room.

        In short, apart from the date approaching and the bottom of the belly that pulls, I do not feel that I will give birth before my term!

        9 months and 3 weeks (40 weeks)

          I took 9.5 kg since the beginning of pregnancy.

          I am 8 days from the end, I am having fun alone to tell me that I would have contractions during one of my practices.

          That week I'm doing 3 yoga classes:

          A Iyengar class with my friend Dora pregnant 3 weeks less than me: two whales stranded on their mat, it's as always, the less you ask me, the less I do!

          Since we are both pregnant and Dora is also a yoga teacher, we are told that we can do a little what we want, so we do not do much and admire our big bellies in Malasana!

          I decide two days later to take my first prenatal class and tell myself that this is my last chance to try. Happily, the teacher will never be presented!

          Finally a Hatha class, always with Dora, I'm four days away and I know during my practice that she will be my last.

          At the end of this class, my friend Dora made a last photo of me in sirsasana, I also know that it will be the last because suddenly this posture does not seem so obvious to me anymore.

          My body tells me STOP.

          9 months and 3 weeks and 5 days (41 weeks)

            I took 10 kg since the beginning of the pregnancy.

            On January 24, after spending a few hours in my office, I go home around 11 am to rest and wait for the arrival of the baby.

            Around noon, I feel like a cramp in the lower belly that I identify more, the baby begins to descend to a contraction.

            I remember that for my first pregnancy, I really had suddenly the "belly that goes down".

            For this pregnancy my belly was always high.

            At 1pm, I meet one of my friends for lunch, I am cut three times in my discussion during this lunch because of contractions!

            I remember that the wise woman told me that you could have contractions a few days before giving birth, without necessarily giving birth on the same day. I continue so quietly my lunch!

            Back home, I'm still working an hour or two, then a contraction comes along and it’s strong enough to make me say it may be time to rest a little because the baby could arrive any minute.

            I feel ready and very serene, my husband notes my contractions, he asks me every five minutes if I want to go to the maternity ward now, but I tell him that I want to stay as long as possible at home.

            I feel good and very serene, I try to think of the breathing exercises that my midwife taught me, she told me that the secret of a birth without epidurals, it was to put in place the breathing as soon as the first contractions arrive so as not to catch up with the pain.

            Finally, all this is very close to yoga!

            It's 6 pm, my daughter Ellis is back from school and I explain to her that I have contractions and that the baby may be arriving tonight.

            At this time, the contractions are every 20 minutes.

            She is ecstatic and asks me if I want to take a bath (she remembered that I had explained to her that water helped a lot of work).

            8pm, no more contractions since an hour, so much so that I tell my husband that I do not think to give birth right away and decides to go to bed.

            Suddenly, between 9pm and 10pm, I have strong contractions every four minutes, then every three minutes, I am a little caught in my breathing because of the frequency of contractions, I was not ready to they are suddenly so close to each other. I try to breathe deeply, to find in what position I best manage the pain ... I spend an hour not obvious.

            Also, I realize that my breath has nothing to do with the breathing that my midwife had taught me but that I put in place very naturally a Ujjai breathing (the yogi's breathing).

            I do not even have the time between contractions to try to change my breathing, I guess it will be a Ujjai breathing for this delivery!

            I also realize very quickly that I can better manage the contractions while standing, straight as a stake, and standing on my toes!

            In my ideal, I planned during my contractions to take the time to do some yoga postures to relax, in fact, it was not even possible!

            10:15pm, I tell my husband that we must jump in the car immediately, I felt that I could give birth on my floor, my contractions are every 2 minutes, they are long and very painful, so that I am barely able to communicate with him. I still find a minute to text my twin sister "It's now !" so she can meet us at the maternity ward.

            We have never missed the birth of one or the other’s child, it is completely inconceivable for us, but not so much for the midwives, who generally do not accept more than one person (so the husband in the delivery room).

            We must therefore each time highlight our negotiating skills to achieve our ends.

            Arrived in front of the car I have a contraction, it’s so strong that I have the impression that I will vomit.

            I keep my cool, after all nobody has never said that the contractions were pleasant, until then everything is so normal ... I continue to breathe.

            Arrived at the car park at maternity Necker Hospital. The trip that usually took me five minutes, that is to say, enter and go to the maternity ward, took me that night fifteen minutes.

            I stopped every two minutes because of contractions that followed each other, and that I found especially very long (1 minutes 20-30). 

            11pm, I am admitted to the maternity. The midwife sees the frequency of my contractions and understands that it is necessary to take me to the delivery room as soon as possible.

            I can still get a few words out of my mouth to tell the midwife that my twin sister is on the way and I need her in the delivery room. Of course, she tells me it's impossible.

            I do not even have the strength to say anything, my husband is going to have to take over the negotiation!

            Arrival in the room, I immediately and naturally put myself in a bubble as I was hurt and I was so surprised by the frequency and intensity of my contractions.

            The ones I had for my first daughter Ellis were much less painful.

            So I had eyes closed all along, I was very focused on my breathing, and especially on the idea of ​​finding THE position that would help me to get out this baby as soon as possible.

            My contractions were now so close that I did not even know when they were starting and when they were ending.

            I felt my husband's hand massaging my lower back.

            My sister was missing, but I couldn’t barely get out two words out of my mouth, I remember saying to the wise woman "I need my sister !", then she never arrived, so it was distracting me. It was inconceivable that she was not there.

            Then all of a sudden, the door of the delivery room opened, it was my sister, in tears!

            She was afraid she had missed my delivery, but she was also crying because the midwife had refused her entry several times (she had been negotiating for more than 45 minutes).

            After my delivery, I asked her what happened with the midwife, she summed it up in one sentence: "She did not want me to get in, I explained to her that for her it was just saying no, but for me it's my life, you do not understand, it's impossible that we are not together.”

            In short, I felt the hands of my husband, his voice and the one of my sister, and immediately put me back in my bubble, my team was complete, I closed my eyes, breathed even harder and I really had this feeling difficult to explain "to be out of my body".

            I have no visual memory of this birth except the one in my imagination because my sister told me everything she saw!

            At 12:50am, the baby was out, I remember this feeling of a little hot fish someone put in my arms. I also saw that it was a girl (it was a surprise), but most of all, I would always remember my husband who said she looked so calm!

            It is true that she was calm, she looked serene and peaceful, we had given her time to arrive on her own pace. I had the feeling of having done a team work with her but also with my husband, my sister and the midwife.

            We named her Panda, the quiet force.

             As for me, I was also serene, I had no more pain, I was happy and proud to have overcome this ordeal. I remember thanking my body for being so strong, thanked for carrying the baby and me for those 9 months.

            I think that's what's magic with a natural birth, all of a sudden you listen to your body, the only way to relieve contractions is to push and the only way to expel a baby is to push.

            If the body is drugged, it does not feel this need to push, it's completely unnatural.

            I went back to my room walking with Panda in her little cradle, as if nothing had ever happened!

            We left the maternity hospital after 36 hours and I started back on Monday morning a completely normal life.

            I thought I was lucky to have had such a beautiful and fulfilling pregnancy, and to feel so good only a few days after giving birth.

            A week later I lost the 10 kilograms I had taken during pregnancy.

            I also have no doubt about the benefits of yoga (and physical activity in general) during pregnancy both physically and psychically.

            Sometimes I can not even find the words to express how my body was fulfilled during this pregnancy. Because yes, it is fulfilling not to have pain, to feel good in this body in full transformation.

            I know that my Ashtanga practice is 90% responsible.

            Today Panda is 3 months old, she is still wearing her name as well, and I went back to my practice of ashtanga after 6 weeks (at the same time as my pelvic reeducation) as if nothing had happened, I did not felt no weaker and "rusty", and I take a crazy pleasure to practice alone again in my body.

            I can feel sensations I’ve forgotten but I still have old reflexes of when I was pregnant, I spread my feet, etc. That makes me smile.


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